Today I Learned

December 2nd
Today I learned: I am pregnant. Holy moly blue line in the circle * 4 pregnant. Today I also learned when you are pregnant for the first time one can be in disbelief and generate four times the evidence necessary. Immediately upon receiving results I approached the father with a very giddy "Happy Father's Day". He smiled the biggest smile I have ever seen on a human.

The father

Exhibits A-D

PS - Is my baby daddy smoking hot or what? Child, please look like your father.

December 3rd:
Today my sister learned: I am pregnant. I couldn't wait! I woke her up with a fake outfit question and basically threw my pregnancy tests at her like confetti. She loved it. We celebrated with my first Baby J present! Obviously my child will be a Brooklyn hipster. And, obviously it will have a J name.

December 5th
Today my cousin Alyssa learned: I am pregnant. She didn't believe me at first because no one was expecting I am expecting. I should take a moment to mention we (the father and I, see above photo) planned this tiny miracle. We just didn't realize our embryo would be a star pupil and appear so soon. Embryo, since you are in the mood to grant wishes, will you please be born and cure cancer/world hunger/AIDS/SARS/Ebola/poverty/racism/discrimination and maaaaybe start yourself a trust fund? K, thanks.

Also, I want to say I feel super lucky to have my sister and my cousin (who is really also our sister) and so many wonderful friends here (as in NYC) and here (as in our lives) to support us. It is kind of amazing.

December 12th
Today I learned: I have a sea monkey inside of me, not an embryo. Look. It could also be a crab. Apologies in advance if you never wanted to see the inside of my uterus. You probably should stop reading now if this makes you queasy. I have a feeling there will be lots more where this came from.

Today I also learned: Sea monkey has a heartbeat! Cue the tears.

December 22nd
Today my aunt and Grammie learned: I am pregnant. Don't tell my parents they knew first. Oops. My Grammie was proudly proclaiming she is a Super Grammie, which I already knew. Homegirl is 97 and a baller. Super doesn't even begin to describe her. My wonderful aunt was very excited, too. This made my airport meal of fries and Snapple even better. I can't believe my child made my buy Chick-fil-a fries. Sorry, world. I will plant 7 trees, pick up trash, and give three puppies hugs for supporting this establishment.

December 23rd
Today my parents learned: I am pregnant. My brother and his brand new fiance, Ale, also learned. We promise we did not mean to upstage your amazing European engagement trip. The sea monkey made us do it. She is very demanding.

How We Told
The bottom photo is the inside of one of my very favorite childhood books Goodnight Moon. They were supposed to Skype with us as we were in CA at the time and open their gift per the seventeen sets of instructions I sent buuuut my parents were basically six year olds on Christmas and couldn't wait. My mom said "Oh my God" one thousand times. I think she's been wanting me to reproduce since I got my first period so this is pretty big news in the Krause house. My dad has been sending me ridiculous name combinations. I don't think he realizes we're not having a Dr. Seuss character for a child.

Three days later, Jonathan's parents learned. So did his brother and sister-in-law.

How We Told, Part 2
We gave them the framed sea monkey with randparent spelled out plus a G and an s because I did graduate elementary school but I did not graduate photography school and a miniature stocking. I should have photographed it for scale. It could fit on the foot of a cabbage patch. A large one. We set up the frame for Paul and Crystal to see. My favorite part of telling people is witnessing their reaction. Crystal's was so adorable. Obviously Jonathan's mom's made me cry.

One thing is for sure. This baby is already loved more than it knows by people on both coasts. Do sea monkeys even know anything?

January 2nd
Today I learned: This thing won't quit. My belly, that is. Any guess how many sea monkeys I am harvesting at ten flipping weeks? I feel like I could furnish a sea monkey basketball team. I'm scared for twenty weeks. Has anyone ever just toppled over, Humpty Dumpty style? If not, I feel like I might be making that Guinness book soon.

January 5th
Today I learned: I suck at keeping secrets. Really, I suck at keeping my own secrets. I can keep yours just fine. As evidenced by this blog and the number of people I've sent it to... Look, when you have a sea monkey growing inside of you it is very difficult to think other thoughts. Still, I am loving sharing this news and so grateful to have such loving people in my life. Seriously. Yup, I said loving twice. You know why? Because this blog is from at least two of us. Three if you count the father. ;) Special shoutout to my girlfriends who are mommies (these people include my friends and people I've met through Jonathan who are his friends or family members...you are all now MY girlfriends. See ya, Jonathan :-) ). I'm loving the tips, warnings, books, DVDs... I know a lot about running a non-profit and teaching someone how to learn, but I know an embarrassingly minuscule amount about growing and raising a child. Look, I'm not that kind of doctor.

Soon I will not have the luxury of containing this news. As of the January 2nd post, I am already bigger. According to my pregnancy app (yup, there's an app for that too), my child is the size of a green olive. I used to love green olives but this week I can't eat them. It was a raspberry a few week ago and...well...I guess I overcame that. See January 6th.

January 6th
Today I learned: I can eat an entire box of mac and cheese and an entire box of raspberries and still be hungry. And nauseous. At the same time. Baby J, why are you defying logic? You are already difficult so there's no doubt you are Jonathan's child my child.

January 7th
Today I learned: When pregnant, there is no cognitive registry of "I'm sad". There are only tears. Thanks, Fields of Gold, for making me bawl on the subway. Sting, we are in a fight.

Oh, and apparently sea monkey is the size of a prune now. I am the size of a manatee. Do non-Floridans even know about these guys? They are kind of a big deal in my home state since there are like 5 of them left.