A Guest Author: The Three Squirrels

Before blogs were en vogue, my father amassed a group of fans who received his "Randoms" via email comprised of his musings and observations on a life he had lived as well as the life developing before him. The topics ranged from Vietnam to lost socks. One day he recounted the tale of "The Three Squirrels", a childhood story he told me to prepare me for the two little squirrels who would eventually join our family. Now that I am growing my own squirrel, I thought it was the right time to share this story.

My dad and his first squirrel

-----------------------------------------------------
The Three Squirrels

by Peter Krause

This is a story I made up for my older daughter just before her third birthday to prepare her for my wife’s upcoming delivery of twins.  As the months went by, the story evolved a little bit to accommodate new developments.

Now, nearly seventeen years after the story was first told, I am glad that the allegory has continued to be very true.  It was a favorite for many years in our house, when stories were in vogue. ...

Once upon a time there were three squirrels who lived in the forest. There was a momma squirrel, a papa squirrel, and a cute little squirrel named Jaimie. And they all lived together in a tree where they had lots of rooms. There was a family room, a kitchen room, an acorn storage room, a play room, a bedroom for momma and papa, and Jaimie’s own room.

One day, momma squirrel came to Jaimie squirrel and said, "We have to make two new rooms." "Why?" asked Jaimie squirrel. "Because you are going to have a new brother and sister squirrel to play with, and teach how to be good little squirrels," momma squirrel answered.  So everybody helped build the new rooms, especially Jaimie squirrel, who spent a lot of time carving out nice closets and shelves in the new bedrooms. And when the rooms were finished, Jaimie squirrel put some of her own toys in it to share with her new family, plus some new ones which she made.

One day momma squirrel went to the forest hospital and brought back two new baby squirrels. Jaimie squirrel put them in the squirrel cribs which she had built, and tucked them in for a nap. She decided to name them Phillip squirrel and Ashley squirrel.

Jaimie squirrel helped to take care of her younger brother and sister.  She sang to them and fed them. Jaimie squirrel taught her brother and sister about squirrel talk and squirrel games such as "kick the acorn" and "hide and seek".  She told them squirrel stories too.  When the twins got a little older, Jaimie squirrel showed Phillip and Ashley squirrel all the good places in the forest to hide and play, and where to find acorns and get good stuff to drink.   And Jaimie squirrel proudly introduced her brother and sister to all the other animals and birds in the forest.

Phillip squirrel and Ashley squirrel loved their big sister squirrel.  They played all the time in the forest, and the whole family lived together happily ever after.

Registering, Waddling, and Forgetting

Registering as a new mom is like packing a suitcase for a six month European trip for a person I have never met. #clueless

This is my latest tweet and it might be an understatement. WHY ARE THERE SO MANY PACIFIERS? The thing is: I know how to research. I do have some mommy friends. And I'm still lost. I'm caught in this weird place where I feel like things should match and make sense together. Instead, everything is a different pattern and/or color scheme. Jungle friends + paisley = hideous but I feel like my options are limited. I know babies are cute on their own and aren't being sashayed down the runway during New York Fashion Week (at least mine isn't) but I feel little violated right now. I partially blame Instagram and Pinterest for setting up unrealistic nursery/baby fashion expectations.

One area that actually makes sense to me is baby fashion. Are you kidding me with this outfit? I can't handle how cute this is and realized that every time I feel stressed or unsure of a choice like which teething ring is best I will register for one adorable outfit. Annnnd exhale. It feels like I just took a yoga class. Namaste, chevron printed top and matching diaper cover.

Three Pregnancy Updates

1) The waddle is on. I have gone from gazelle to penguin in six short months. Well, maybe I wasn't as a graceful as a gazelle but I was definitely a respectable house cat...with a bent tail.

2) I've already outgrown my earlier maternity clothes and I still have three months to go. I'm so glad my feet and ankles aren't incredibly swollen yet but I think it's a matter of time. I'm just praying for warmer weather so I can rock a maxi dress for the next 90 days. See ya, tights and awful winter wear.

3) I can't string a sentence together. Don't be mislead by my brilliant blogging :) - I've always been a little absent-minded (crediting Peter Krause for this) and kind of a shitty storyteller (can't blame anyone here) but I've plummeted to new lows. J and I were out to brunch with our lovely friends Matt and James and I couldn't even tell them about how we were cast for a reality show cogently. We were - that's true - but you have to ask Jonathan for the story. He can tell it much better than I, and I'm sure to get distracted by ice cream about 15 seconds into the story. Speaking of which...

Hey pretty baby with the high heels on...

You give me fever like I've never, ever known

You're just the product of loveliness

I like the groove of your walk, your talk, your dress...

The Way You Make Me Feel, Michael Jackson, 
Jaimie's favorite Michael Jackson song

If you know anything about Jonathan, you know he is a DIE HARD Michael Jackson fan. I've actually never met someone so serious about their devotion to MJ. He can even hit those high hee, hee notes. Heck, he's even got the Beat It jacket!

I shouldn't have been surprised to find what I found at our apartment after work one day. Really, nothing Jonathan does should surprise me because I know by now to expect the unexpected. That man truly keeps me on my toes. And yet - I doubled over with laughter (which is actually really tough to do at 24 weeks). Maybe I folded 15 degrees inward but it was still a very hearty guffaw. You try to bend with a cantaloupe in your shirt. Note: for those of you who haven't reproduced in the age of the cell phone app, every week I am updated on the fruit or vegetable Josie's size most closely resembles. I think she is more kickball than cantaloupe right now but alas. I'm not that kind of doctor.

What made me laugh so hard besides the obvious is Josie does not have a crib, stroller, or even a bedroom, but homegirl has Michael Jackson onesies! Obviously a little sparkly glove and matching hats complete the look, although not pictured below.

 

I'm told she has Lakers and Batgirl outfits on the way. It's going to be Halloween everyday in the Young house.

I can't wait to become this family, but with unicorns.

Speaking of unicorns, I asked Jonathan to sing Josie a song about unicorns the other night and this was his response:

Old MacDonald had a farm, 

E-I-E-I-O

And on that farm he had a unicorn

E-I-E-I-O

I know I picked the right one.

About this we are certain

This morning Jonathan and I decided to go for a walk just behind our apartment. There's much to see: boats, the Manhattan skyline, the Statue of Liberty, Ellis Island, and Liberty State Park.

We weren't the only ones with this plan because we passed many families, all decked out in their Easter best. There's not much cuter than little girls in frilly pastel dresses and little boys in polka dotted bowties...until they start whining. We passed one unpleasant delightful child screeching about who knows what and Jonathan and I turned to each other

Me: Josie will never do that.

J: No, she will be dignified from the very beginning. "Mother, I would like eggs and cheese for breakfast."

Me: "But I understand cheese is on our grocery list so I will be patient."

J: "May I be helpful when we go the market? I can reach things on the bottom shelf."

Me: "But I will not choose the Lucky Charms because I know they lack nutritional value."

J: "Yes, and I don't want diabetes or cavities."

Me: "Actually, mother and father, I was thinking about it and I decided I'd like to try brussel sprouts."

J: "Yes, I'm interested in employing a new initiative where I try one new food each week. I'd like my plates to have 5 different colors on them because I know that will maximize my nutrients."

It's the least Josie can do. I look 9 months pregnant and I have just under 4 months to go. Homegirl is going to be a giant.