BYOP

Pregnancy is a humbling experience. It changes one's body almost instantly. Ahem, hello boobs, why didn't you demonstrate this much enthusiasm when I was 13? And yet, there are other changes that come that are less welcome. I'm here to tell you allll about them.

1. Fur
I'm not a particularly hairy person in general. My arm hair is blonde and fine, and my leg hair isn't super awful. What a surprise when I looked down to find a furry belly a few days ago. It's not quite like this...

but it's not significantly more attractive than this either.

2. Feelings
Remember when you were an angsty 12 year old and you hated the world a little bit? Welll, multiply that by infinity. When your body is flooded with hormones, it behaves as if its possessed. I didn't know I had so many feelings but I would love it if they quit this nonsense and stopped bringing me back to middle school when I didn't want to wear a dress to my Bat Mitzvah and was PISSED. I do have a photo of this somewhere but I can't find it because I just moved. In lieu of my pre-pubescent fury, enjoy this delightful doll. This is me. All of the time. And I will cut you if you don't bring me watermelon.

3. Feces
Nope, this actually isn't about poop (We aren't there yet, okay? This is only my 5th post!) but I went for the alliterative humor.

This is actually about the blog title: BYOP.
Translation: Bring Your Own Pee

As I mentioned, I just moved and I'm nesting. I wanted to go for a very subtle nautical look in our new place (fail #1, the new place had its own ideas about its personality) and journeyed to Marshalls to unearth forgotten treasures from seasons past. I did find a lot of gems, only 3/4ths of which I returned.

Still, I felt great about my loot and was just examining one more item when I felt a sensation I'd experienced one thousand times before. You know that familiar tickle in your nose? That one that tells you a sneeze is coming? Yup, I had it and it was going to happen.

I wasn't terribly concerned because I'd weathered the sneeze storm countless times successfully. You just do it and it's over. Sometimes it's even pleasant! I just failed to account for one little thing.

I had to pee.

The thing is - I ALWAYS have to pee these days. It's a given. It's just part of the new me, complete with fur and feelings. It's true I've never been an exceptional math student but I hadn't considered the following equation: Pregnant + Full Bladder + Sneeze = ________

You know what happened next. I'm super glad I had on gray yoga pants so everyone in the store could see the evidence of the entire bottle of water I chugged about 30 minutes prior. 

And then, something dawned on me. I KNOW why this happened.

These bodily changes are to remind you it's hard not to have control of your bodily functions and feelings. It's frustrating and upsetting and humbling. It's so, so humbling. And it's exactly the experience sea monkey will have as it navigates being a human. 

So, fur, feelings, and frustrating pee sneezes - I welcome you. You are making me a better, more empathic momma. I would appreciate if all other lower bodily functions take note! Lesson learned. I need no further surprises, okay? I gained understanding on the first try. Please and thank you.