Defying Gravity

I bet you think this is a post about my daughter, who has taken after her father, and is starring in a musical about good and evil and the Land of Oz. No, no it is not. Instead it is about the time Josie pooped UP her back...all the way to her neck. She is 23 inches so that's a looong trail of poop. I was certain she'd ruined her denim jeggings and my favorite striped onesie but then I remembered she only consumes milk. Her poop is basically inedible yogurt, which is pretty easy to wash away.

You'll be glad to know I am not writing a post entirely about poop. In fact, that's all I really wanted to say about it. I am amazed. She is six weeks old and she produced more poop than any regulation-sized human adult I've ever seen...which really just refers to me. My daughter has out-pooped me.

In this case, her sweater should say "More Awesome Than Mommy"
if awesome were measured in amount pooped

I will now move on to more important things. First, Josie turned ONE MONTH OLD. We celebrated with a costume. Obviously.

Harriet Potter. Favorite spell: Wingardium Iwantmilkrightnow
She casts her spell by screaming at the top of her lungs. She is a very convincing wizard.

I celebrated with my favorite beer at our local watering hole. It's about as big as she but far more tasty. It turns out babies only smell nice.

It's been a bright summer so I decided to test drive Josie's sunnies. She makes a very convincing Mary Kate.

Other notable moments include:

Yoga Baby

Despite her mother's many failed attempts at yoga, it appears Josie was born to zen. Check it. She actually did this all by herself.

 

Boxer Baby

Fly like a butterfly, sting like a bee...here's the cutest little boxer you ever did see.

Dancing Baby
This is one of the funniest things I have ever seen. You can tell I feel that way by the obnoxious cackles in the background; you are encouraged to laugh as hard as you can to drown them out.

Sleeping Baby
I will leave you with one of the sweetest things I've ever captured. These two snuggled in bed all morning and I couldn't stop photographing them.

25 Sun Hats

The Js met the Gs! More specifically, Josie met her east coast grandparents!! Gail and Peter are henceforth Grammie and Grampie (or Grumpy, if it sticks). I had a lump in my throat for most of the visit...well, when I wasn't desperately trying to catch up on sleep. There is something so special about creating a new generation and introducing her to the people who created me. Mind.blown.

This post is called 25 Sun Hats because that's what these Florida-based grandparents brought. Twenty-five hats and a whole lotta love.

Sleepy hat model/baby firefighter/West Palm Beach retiree in training

Jonathan was able to capture the first moments the Gs saw Josie. It doesn't get any sweeter than this.

Newborns aren't exactly party animals but we did manage to get in a walk. And a snack.

Where are *your* sun hats??

Three generations!

We also Skyped with Grammie and Auntie Karen!

Appropriately, the visit culminated with stories, songs, and naps.

And we all lived happily ever after.

Fans and Lamps

We love being parents. We used to love sleep. We hear it gets better... I actually slept long enough to dream the other day and it felt like a Christmas miracle. To this end, this blog post is indicative of my more recent thought patterns. I no longer have the time (or energy) to draft a narrative so you get bullets or bust...

Josie's stats

• Current record: Pooped her way through three outfits until we became "naked baby" for the rest of the day. Now we are naked baby unless we have company. And even then...
• Peed on me three times and Jonathan zero times. The first time we had an audience in the "vet's office" - this is our name for our pediatrician. Since I've been calling Josie "puppy" since day 1, it's only fitting.
• Has blue-gray eyes. Looks more like Jonathan's baby photos every day.
• Is wearing size 1 diapers. See ya, newborn dipes!
• Has developed impressively strong neck muscles...and vocal chords to match.
• Makes goat noises after a good shout.
• LOVES fans and lamps. L-O-V-E-S. Every night we read her a story on the couch and she cares not for the colorful images and sweet lessons. She only wants to gaze at Fs and Ls.
  
• Feels luke warm (heh) about bath time; same with diapering except when the bedroom fan catches her eye. HATES getting dressed.
• Eats like a sumo wrestler. Now has more rolls than a New York deli.
• Wears mittens and positions her balled-up fists next to her head whilst sleeping and eating.
• In light of this (ha, see what I did there?), possible career choices include: competitive eater, interior designer, ninja, boxer. Possible hobby: nudist.
• Giggles in her sleep. Is the most adorable creature on the planet.
  
  
  
  

Jaimie's stats/random thoughts

• Breastfeeding makes me wish I belonged to another species with more "ports". For example, if I were a kitty, life would be easier except then I'd probably have 6 babies instead of one. Nevermind. 
• It feels like my child is trying to extinguish her breastfeeding options by clamping down with such ferocity I howl every time she latches. I know it's beautiful and I'm nourishing my child but OUCH. Speaking of b-feeding, read this.
• Have not successfully mastered life with one or no hands. Currently typing this blog with one hand. Have re-prioritized grooming behaviors. Am in full Woodstock hair and the stench isn't far behind.
• Still trying to figure out how to avoid getting poop on one or both of her feet during changes.
• Still trying to understand how to not turn my child into a milkshake when we nurse.
• Ventured to Target all by myself and it took me 2 hours to pick up 15 items. I reported this to my neighbor (who is my walking buddy and quickly becoming a favorite person of mine along with her adorable child and wonderful hubby): "I went to Target on my first time out too and it was so stressful I needed to be swaddled."

Jonathan's stats

• Is an amazing father. Josie is already a daddy's girl. I know this because she coos when she sees him but heads straight for the goods whenever she sees me. It is clear I am a milk machine; dad is a snuggle machine.
• Lets me sleep in the morning. Gets low-carb brownie points for life. 
• Jonathan's swaddles > Jaimie's swaddles
• Sings to her daily. Exchanges words to popular rap songs. Overheard in my living while Jonathan was giving Josie a bottle: "My milkshake brings all the toys to the yard..."

Family stats

Insert Lion King theme music

Josie loves it when I smoosh her face into my chest. You can tell.

Alert baby!

I love how peaceful Josie looks here. It's also a really nice illustration of Jonathan's excellent and tender parenting. 

Josie, you are two weeks old! Throw on some feathers and go nuts!

Don't be fooled by this serene image. We spend most of our days disheveled and covered in breastmilk.

This child has stolen my heart.

Kate and Leo made a baby. 

*Stay tuned for the next blog covering Grammie and Grampie's first visit!

Birth plan: GET HER OUT!

WE ARE J CUBED! Finally.

This past week has been a blur. I can't believe I have a one week old daughter. (Fine, she's now two weeks old but I did start this one week ago. #momlife)

Josie Maren Young, diva extraordinaire 

Let's rewind.

So we were scheduled for an induction last Sunday evening (the 9th) at 9 pm. In preparation for an eventful end of our weekend, we stayed in on Saturday night and watched "Look Who's Talking" to glean some last minute parenting tips. It left me wondering which celebrity would narrate my daughter's infancy. Given what I already knew about her, I guessed Rosie Perez.

I conked out at 9 pm on Saturday but Jonathan elected to stay up so he would sleep in on Sunday and be alert late Sunday evening for the induction. Little Miss Jojo had other plans.

At 3 am early Sunday I woke up feeling funny. I was sitting up in bed breathing through what would be my third contraction when Jonathan turned over and asked if I was okay. Indeed, I was not.

We rushed around collecting ourselves and called an Uber. As I tucked into the back seat, I warned twenty-something Osama (with the throaty voice of a demon) "I'm in LABOR" and then proceeded to make these ridiculous primal noises. That was probably all the birth control poor Osama will ever need; the look on his face was one of sheer terror. Thank goodness our diva decided to come in the middle of the night because we made it to the City in 20 minutes flat and everyone was put out of their misery.

I had it in my mind that I wanted to deliver Josie without medical intervention. About an hour into labor that quickly changed. Post-epidural Jaimie was so much happier but let's be real - labor isn't exactly a picnic. When the L&D nurse asked about our birth plan I said, "Get.Her.Out." She replied: "I'm writing that down."

Ashley arrived on the scene around 8 am and she and Jonathan were my labor coaches, helping me breathe and eventually push through each contraction. After a while, the doctor told me she didn't like how Josie's heart rate was impacted by my pushing and she wanted to prepare us that we might need to relocate to the OR for a vacuum birth or C section. I did not like that one bit. The last thing I wanted was a C section. Plus, I could only have one guest in the OR which meant Ashley would have to stay behind. I bet you can guess what happened next...

Into the OR I was wheeled. I was greeted with a sea of people in blue scrubs.  After a bit, I was back to pushing. There were four doctors, and it became clear I was being treated by Team C Section and Team Vacuum. Josie's heart rate kept dropping with each push and Team Vacuum was losing their ground. I was told I had one more contraction (or three pushes) to deliver her. I couldn't see this, but Jonathan later told me Dr. Collins (Team V) had fastened the vacuum to Josie's head and was pulling with all of her might. Push one - no Josie. Push two- no Josie. Push three...I forced myself to envision athlete Jaimie on all of the marathon courses and soccer fields where I had to unearth sources of energy that didn't exist. I'm not kidding. I knew it was do or be cut open and with the feral growl of a lady Hulk, I did it. I birthed this child with the head the size of a county fair award-winning grapefruit. Good grief.

Josie's stats: 8.4 lbs, 21 inches*, brown hair, blue eyes, no tears
There was some initial debate on Josie's height. At one point, Jonathan thought the doctors said 72 inches and I erupted into laughter: "Jonathan, that's taller than I am!" This is what happens when you don't sleep.

Oh hey world.

Over the next few days in the hospital, Josie was greeted by many friends and family members! She was quite the popular little thing. Check our Facebook album "All About Josie" for photos of her fan club.

Josie's big debut and even bigger bow!

So, there you have it: Josie's birth story. It wasn't pretty but it was a bit heroic and now our life is complete.

We have settled in nicely at home. Josie has had many new experiences.

Josie's first Dodger game.
(Don't tell her dad, but I think she might be a soccer fan.)

Josie's first staring contest

Josie's first book

Josie's first park outing

Josie's first costume!

Josie's first walk/Jaimie's first walk and Josie's first stroll

I am going to do my best to continue blogging but I realize it's harder to do with one to zero free hands. I will have to take advantage of moments like this to blog about my sweet family.

See you soon.

xo,

The Young Family!

#pleasechildcomeout

It is August 7th and we are still not J Cubed, which makes my blog title a lie. There must be an evolutionary reason for Josie's delay. I suspect it's because labor is seriously unpleasant (must fact check) and so babies are late to replace feelings of labor fear with labor frustration, which is much easier to stomach, er...uterus. In any event, I HAVE HAD IT.

Waiting for Josie is like waiting for Santa AND a hurricane, at once. We are about to be bestowed with many gifts however we might lose a few backyard trees in the process. To occupy myself, I've taken up a little photo project on Instagram. It's called #pleasechildcomeout.

I got the idea one day as I was walking past our park - the one where Jonathan and I got married and actually had dinner in this past week. I've been play-threatening Josie with being sent directly to time out or being the first grounded newborn for being late so I decided I ought to change my approach and show her the world she's missing by staying nestled inside of me.

"Josie, this is a playground. Children love these things. If you come out, I will take you here. Doesn't it look FUN?!" #pleasechildcomeout

"Josie, this is meat. You haven't had any of this because your mom is a vegetarian but a lot of people like it. In fact, your father exists solely on it. Don't you want to try it?" #pleasechildcomeout

"Josie, this is ice cream. You've had tons of this but I bet it tastes better firsthand. Plus. maybe you want other flavors. There are so many of those." #pleasechildcomeout

"Josie, this is your dress. It's one of my very favorite things you own. You can wear it once you're born! You have quite the wardrobe already thanks to your adoring and generous fans with excellent taste." #pleasechildcomeout

"Josie, this is a pool. You don't even realize how lucky you are that you have access to one in this area, on the rooftop of your building, no less. You also have the most adorable bathing suit you can wear,  with a matching hat and sunnies. We will get you 100 pool toys if you WOULD JUST MEET US ALREADY." #pleasechildcomeout

"Josie, this is a summer-inspired mani pedi. Even though I was a total tomboy and hated makeup until I was 25, you might like it - for wearing or making art. In fact, your dad is an actor and has all kinds of makeup you can smear on the walls. That's right. I just gave you permission to do that. Doesn't life sound fun on the outside?" #pleasechildcomeout

"Josie, this is wine. A lot of these posts have been for you, but this one is for me. I have had zero glasses of wine, mugs of coffee, or diet cokes and THIS is how you repay me? Mommy deserves this. It's time." #pleasechildcomeout

"Josie, these are your books and some of your toys. You have so many wonderful adventures to experience,  but you'll never meet the hungry, hungry caterpillar or the red fish, blue fish if you stay inside. I will happily read you 12 bedtime stories each night and get you three glasses of water (when you're old enough) but only if you relocate." #pleasechildcomeout

"Josie, this is pizza. You cannot understand the wonder of this food secondhand. If you emerge for no other reason, this may be the best one." #pleasechildcomeout

"Josie, this is your dad. He has the biggest heart of anyone I know and cannot wait to meet you. He calls you JoJo and sings Michael Jackson songs to you often. Trust me, kid, you want to meet this guy." #pleasechildcomeout

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PS-Special shoutout to my good friend, Melissa Trujillo. I was reminded last week that this silly blog wouldn't exist without her suggestion way back when so mad props to you, darlin! This has been super fun for me and I'm so glad to have it. <3