And Now There Are Four: Fans and Lamps

We love being parents. We used to love sleep. We hear it gets better... I actually slept long enough to dream the other day and it felt like a Christmas miracle. To this end, this blog post is indicative of my more recent thought patterns. I no longer have the time (or energy) to draft a narrative so you get bullets or bust...

Josie's stats

Current record: Pooped her way through three outfits until we became "naked baby" for the rest of the day. Now we are naked baby unless we have company. And even then...
Peed on me three times and Jonathan zero times. The first time we had an audience in the "vet's office" - this is our name for our pediatrician. Since I've been calling Josie "puppy" since day 1, it's only fitting.
Has blue-gray eyes. Looks more like Jonathan's baby photos every day.
Is wearing size 1 diapers. See ya, newborn dipes!
Has developed impressively strong neck muscles...and vocal chords to match.
Makes goat noises after a good shout.
LOVES fans and lamps. L-O-V-E-S. Every night we read her a story on the couch and she cares not for the colorful images and sweet lessons. She only wants to gaze at Fs and Ls.
Feels luke warm (heh) about bath time; same with diapering except when the bedroom fan catches her eye. HATES getting dressed.
Eats like a sumo wrestler. Now has more rolls than a New York deli.
Wears mittens and positions her balled-up fists next to her head whilst sleeping and eating.
In light of this (ha, see what I did there?), possible career choices include: competitive eater, interior designer, ninja, boxer. Possible hobby: nudist.
Giggles in her sleep. Is the most adorable creature on the planet.

Jaimie's stats/random thoughts

Breastfeeding makes me wish I belonged to another species with more "ports". For example, if I were a kitty, life would be easier except then I'd probably have 6 babies instead of one. Nevermind.
It feels like my child is trying to extinguish her breastfeeding options by clamping down with such ferocity I howl every time she latches. I know it's beautiful and I'm nourishing my child but OUCH. Speaking of b-feeding, read this.
Have not successfully mastered life with one or no hands. Currently typing this blog with one hand. Have re-prioritized grooming behaviors. Am in full Woodstock hair and the stench isn't far behind.
Still trying to figure out how to avoid getting poop on one or both of her feet during changes.
Still trying to understand how to not turn my child into a milkshake when we nurse.
Ventured to Target all by myself and it took me 2 hours to pick up 15 items. I reported this to my neighbor (who is my walking buddy and quickly becoming a favorite person of mine along with her adorable child and wonderful hubby): "I went to Target on my first time out too and it was so stressful I needed to be swaddled."

Jonathan's stats

Is an amazing father. Josie is already a daddy's girl. I know this because she coos when she sees him but heads straight for the goods whenever she sees me. It is clear I am a milk machine; dad is a snuggle machine.
Lets me sleep in the morning. Gets low-carb brownie points for life.
Jonathan's swaddles > Jaimie's swaddles
Sings to her daily. Exchanges words to popular rap songs. Overheard in my living while Jonathan was giving Josie a bottle: "My milkshake brings all the toys to the yard..."

Family stats