Where Everybody Knows Your Name

Tis the season for the standardized tests required for graduate school admissions. In the spirit of this fact, I offer a practice problem:

Jaimie, Jonathan, and Josie (7 weeks old) are traveling to meet their Boston family from their home in Jersey City. Prior to Josie, this trip took Jaimie and Jonathan about 3 hours by car. If each week of an infant's life adds 30 mins of travel time, and each week also amounts to one suitcase:

a) how much longer will their trip take, and 

b) how many bags are needed for the trip? 

*The correct answer can be found at the bottom of this post.

I should mention the outfit pictured here is Josie's second of the day. We had a lovely, rapport-building chat about nicer ways to tell mommy we don't like our outfits. After a second bath and diaper fastened with extra care, away we go! I should also mention we were totally neurotic super easy-going and did not overpack even a stitch of clothing. I didn't even try to take 50 diapers for 2 days. Not even a little bit.

Rest stop 1 of 6: The Js in our shades

Speaking of babes, we got a few car accessories to make our trip more Josie-friendly. Check out our new mirror! Mostly this was helpful for me to observe the progression of pacifier spit out:

Baby notices pacifier is not in her mouth --> fussing --> yelling --> screamingggg!

With this handy gadget I was able to rearview it and re-insert. Homegirl loves her paci. I call it "baby chewing gum".

                                             

Boston is a special place for us for several reasons. First, my parents met in Boston and (TMI alert) I am fairly certain I was conceived there. Without Boston, there is no Jaimie and therefore no Josie. My family still has a few key members in town including my Aunt Karen, Uncle Joe, cousins Joanne and Carsten, and my 98 year-old Grammie (who informed me when I shared I was pregnant that she is to be referred to as "Super Grammie"). Jonathan also attended graduate school in Boston and he has several friends from his MFA program still there: Alex, Drew, Brandon, and Elle. We were super excited to introduce our little babe to this crew.

The day or so before we left, I got an excited call from my aunt wanting to run an idea by me. You see, Super Grammie's husband, Grampie, was a professional photographer and his cameras are still in the family. My uncle is also a pro photog and thought it would be neat to capture the moment Josie met her Super Grammie with my Grampie's old camera and film. We would arrive to a photoshoot - the kind that makes an audible "poof". I mean, c'mon, can my family be any more awesome?    

Here is a sneak peak of the precious moment:                                

98 years meets 7 weeks

It was really something to behold. What an incredible blessing. I also got Super Grammie on camera to talk to Josie!

The next day we visited some of Jonathan's best friends: Alex and Drew. Alex narrates a boat cruise and we were able to hang out with Drew while we listened to a Brit tell us facts about Boston. He was great! Josie was stoked she was able to don her shades again.

We had a sleepover with these two and had a blast! We were joined by Brandon and Elle; little known fact: Elle is the baby whisperer. Josie started doing her fussy Josie thing, so Elle picked her up and started singing to her...she was mesmerized. To be honest, Elle's voice is so magical she was kind of lulling me to sleep in a fairy princess dreamland too. 

 

We were also joined by Sara, another bestie, via Skype.

                          

Josie was formally introduced to another important person from Jonathan's past and present: MJ

For our final day in Boston, we decided to go on a family trek. We had big plans to walk the Freedom Trail. We started at the Boston Latin School, the oldest public school in America annnnd met a star...

What's shakin', Ben? Josie loves US history and was really excited about this opportunity. 

She let us know by napping through it. If you look closely, her shades are betraying her which makes me rethink all of those lame school trips I've taken and why I did not have baby shades myself.

The thing about being new parents is we sometimes get a bit too ambitious. After about 15 minutes of walking, I was kind of over it. Don't be fooled by my smile as I wear this little girl through the humid streets of Beantown, who is actually twice the size she should be for this age and feels like a ton of bricks light as a feather.

Our ambition led us to food...and other things...such as beers the size of our heads. We obviously had to make our way to Cheers, the place where my parents met (an ironic fact as neither of them really enjoy drinking...somehow that skipped a generation).

As we said our goodbyes, we knew we'd be back. Hopefully next time we'll be a little more efficient and a little less snoozy. Josie loved her Auntie Karen and even stayed awake for a few minutes to snuggle!

Check out Uncle Joe driving the stroller and cousin Joanne, who is also a Josie!

 Of course, we ended the day poppin' bottles in Boston Common and meeting some of the locals who gave us some really odd unsolicited advice. I'm going to leave this part blank until I can recall...

Solution:

7 weeks of life at 30 minutes per week =  3.5 hours added to the original 3 hours

7 weeks of life at one suitcase per week = 7 suitcases

The trip took 6 and a half hours and required 7 suitcases. We were there for 2 and a half days, but it was totally worth it! 

My heart experiences a million micro-explosions with each new person Josie meets, but one of the grandest feelings was introducing Josie to Grammie.

                                   

Defying Gravity

I bet you think this is a post about my daughter, who has taken after her father, and is starring in a musical about good and evil and the Land of Oz. No, no it is not. Instead it is about the time Josie pooped UP her back...all the way to her neck. She is 23 inches so that's a looong trail of poop. I was certain she'd ruined her denim jeggings and my favorite striped onesie but then I remembered she only consumes milk. Her poop is basically inedible yogurt, which is pretty easy to wash away.

You'll be glad to know I am not writing a post entirely about poop. In fact, that's all I really wanted to say about it. I am amazed. She is six weeks old and she produced more poop than any regulation-sized human adult I've ever seen...which really just refers to me. My daughter has out-pooped me.

In this case, her sweater should say "More Awesome Than Mommy"
if awesome were measured in amount pooped

I will now move on to more important things. First, Josie turned ONE MONTH OLD. We celebrated with a costume. Obviously.

Harriet Potter. Favorite spell: Wingardium Iwantmilkrightnow
She casts her spell by screaming at the top of her lungs. She is a very convincing wizard.

I celebrated with my favorite beer at our local watering hole. It's about as big as she but far more tasty. It turns out babies only smell nice.

It's been a bright summer so I decided to test drive Josie's sunnies. She makes a very convincing Mary Kate.

Other notable moments include:

Yoga Baby

Despite her mother's many failed attempts at yoga, it appears Josie was born to zen. Check it. She actually did this all by herself.

 

Boxer Baby

Fly like a butterfly, sting like a bee...here's the cutest little boxer you ever did see.

Dancing Baby
This is one of the funniest things I have ever seen. You can tell I feel that way by the obnoxious cackles in the background; you are encouraged to laugh as hard as you can to drown them out.

Sleeping Baby
I will leave you with one of the sweetest things I've ever captured. These two snuggled in bed all morning and I couldn't stop photographing them.

25 Sun Hats

The Js met the Gs! More specifically, Josie met her east coast grandparents!! Gail and Peter are henceforth Grammie and Grampie (or Grumpy, if it sticks). I had a lump in my throat for most of the visit...well, when I wasn't desperately trying to catch up on sleep. There is something so special about creating a new generation and introducing her to the people who created me. Mind.blown.

This post is called 25 Sun Hats because that's what these Florida-based grandparents brought. Twenty-five hats and a whole lotta love.

Sleepy hat model/baby firefighter/West Palm Beach retiree in training

Jonathan was able to capture the first moments the Gs saw Josie. It doesn't get any sweeter than this.

Newborns aren't exactly party animals but we did manage to get in a walk. And a snack.

Where are *your* sun hats??

Three generations!

We also Skyped with Grammie and Auntie Karen!

Appropriately, the visit culminated with stories, songs, and naps.

And we all lived happily ever after.

Fans and Lamps

We love being parents. We used to love sleep. We hear it gets better... I actually slept long enough to dream the other day and it felt like a Christmas miracle. To this end, this blog post is indicative of my more recent thought patterns. I no longer have the time (or energy) to draft a narrative so you get bullets or bust...

Josie's stats

• Current record: Pooped her way through three outfits until we became "naked baby" for the rest of the day. Now we are naked baby unless we have company. And even then...
• Peed on me three times and Jonathan zero times. The first time we had an audience in the "vet's office" - this is our name for our pediatrician. Since I've been calling Josie "puppy" since day 1, it's only fitting.
• Has blue-gray eyes. Looks more like Jonathan's baby photos every day.
• Is wearing size 1 diapers. See ya, newborn dipes!
• Has developed impressively strong neck muscles...and vocal chords to match.
• Makes goat noises after a good shout.
• LOVES fans and lamps. L-O-V-E-S. Every night we read her a story on the couch and she cares not for the colorful images and sweet lessons. She only wants to gaze at Fs and Ls.
  
• Feels luke warm (heh) about bath time; same with diapering except when the bedroom fan catches her eye. HATES getting dressed.
• Eats like a sumo wrestler. Now has more rolls than a New York deli.
• Wears mittens and positions her balled-up fists next to her head whilst sleeping and eating.
• In light of this (ha, see what I did there?), possible career choices include: competitive eater, interior designer, ninja, boxer. Possible hobby: nudist.
• Giggles in her sleep. Is the most adorable creature on the planet.
  
  
  
  

Jaimie's stats/random thoughts

• Breastfeeding makes me wish I belonged to another species with more "ports". For example, if I were a kitty, life would be easier except then I'd probably have 6 babies instead of one. Nevermind. 
• It feels like my child is trying to extinguish her breastfeeding options by clamping down with such ferocity I howl every time she latches. I know it's beautiful and I'm nourishing my child but OUCH. Speaking of b-feeding, read this.
• Have not successfully mastered life with one or no hands. Currently typing this blog with one hand. Have re-prioritized grooming behaviors. Am in full Woodstock hair and the stench isn't far behind.
• Still trying to figure out how to avoid getting poop on one or both of her feet during changes.
• Still trying to understand how to not turn my child into a milkshake when we nurse.
• Ventured to Target all by myself and it took me 2 hours to pick up 15 items. I reported this to my neighbor (who is my walking buddy and quickly becoming a favorite person of mine along with her adorable child and wonderful hubby): "I went to Target on my first time out too and it was so stressful I needed to be swaddled."

Jonathan's stats

• Is an amazing father. Josie is already a daddy's girl. I know this because she coos when she sees him but heads straight for the goods whenever she sees me. It is clear I am a milk machine; dad is a snuggle machine.
• Lets me sleep in the morning. Gets low-carb brownie points for life. 
• Jonathan's swaddles > Jaimie's swaddles
• Sings to her daily. Exchanges words to popular rap songs. Overheard in my living while Jonathan was giving Josie a bottle: "My milkshake brings all the toys to the yard..."

Family stats

Insert Lion King theme music

Josie loves it when I smoosh her face into my chest. You can tell.

Alert baby!

I love how peaceful Josie looks here. It's also a really nice illustration of Jonathan's excellent and tender parenting. 

Josie, you are two weeks old! Throw on some feathers and go nuts!

Don't be fooled by this serene image. We spend most of our days disheveled and covered in breastmilk.

This child has stolen my heart.

Kate and Leo made a baby. 

*Stay tuned for the next blog covering Grammie and Grampie's first visit!