Birth plan: GET HER OUT!

WE ARE J CUBED! Finally.

This past week has been a blur. I can't believe I have a one week old daughter. (Fine, she's now two weeks old but I did start this one week ago. #momlife)

Josie Maren Young, diva extraordinaire 

Let's rewind.

So we were scheduled for an induction last Sunday evening (the 9th) at 9 pm. In preparation for an eventful end of our weekend, we stayed in on Saturday night and watched "Look Who's Talking" to glean some last minute parenting tips. It left me wondering which celebrity would narrate my daughter's infancy. Given what I already knew about her, I guessed Rosie Perez.

I conked out at 9 pm on Saturday but Jonathan elected to stay up so he would sleep in on Sunday and be alert late Sunday evening for the induction. Little Miss Jojo had other plans.

At 3 am early Sunday I woke up feeling funny. I was sitting up in bed breathing through what would be my third contraction when Jonathan turned over and asked if I was okay. Indeed, I was not.

We rushed around collecting ourselves and called an Uber. As I tucked into the back seat, I warned twenty-something Osama (with the throaty voice of a demon) "I'm in LABOR" and then proceeded to make these ridiculous primal noises. That was probably all the birth control poor Osama will ever need; the look on his face was one of sheer terror. Thank goodness our diva decided to come in the middle of the night because we made it to the City in 20 minutes flat and everyone was put out of their misery.

I had it in my mind that I wanted to deliver Josie without medical intervention. About an hour into labor that quickly changed. Post-epidural Jaimie was so much happier but let's be real - labor isn't exactly a picnic. When the L&D nurse asked about our birth plan I said, "Get.Her.Out." She replied: "I'm writing that down."

Ashley arrived on the scene around 8 am and she and Jonathan were my labor coaches, helping me breathe and eventually push through each contraction. After a while, the doctor told me she didn't like how Josie's heart rate was impacted by my pushing and she wanted to prepare us that we might need to relocate to the OR for a vacuum birth or C section. I did not like that one bit. The last thing I wanted was a C section. Plus, I could only have one guest in the OR which meant Ashley would have to stay behind. I bet you can guess what happened next...

Into the OR I was wheeled. I was greeted with a sea of people in blue scrubs.  After a bit, I was back to pushing. There were four doctors, and it became clear I was being treated by Team C Section and Team Vacuum. Josie's heart rate kept dropping with each push and Team Vacuum was losing their ground. I was told I had one more contraction (or three pushes) to deliver her. I couldn't see this, but Jonathan later told me Dr. Collins (Team V) had fastened the vacuum to Josie's head and was pulling with all of her might. Push one - no Josie. Push two- no Josie. Push three...I forced myself to envision athlete Jaimie on all of the marathon courses and soccer fields where I had to unearth sources of energy that didn't exist. I'm not kidding. I knew it was do or be cut open and with the feral growl of a lady Hulk, I did it. I birthed this child with the head the size of a county fair award-winning grapefruit. Good grief.

Josie's stats: 8.4 lbs, 21 inches*, brown hair, blue eyes, no tears
There was some initial debate on Josie's height. At one point, Jonathan thought the doctors said 72 inches and I erupted into laughter: "Jonathan, that's taller than I am!" This is what happens when you don't sleep.

Oh hey world.

Over the next few days in the hospital, Josie was greeted by many friends and family members! She was quite the popular little thing. Check our Facebook album "All About Josie" for photos of her fan club.

Josie's big debut and even bigger bow!

So, there you have it: Josie's birth story. It wasn't pretty but it was a bit heroic and now our life is complete.

We have settled in nicely at home. Josie has had many new experiences.

Josie's first Dodger game.
(Don't tell her dad, but I think she might be a soccer fan.)

Josie's first staring contest

Josie's first book

Josie's first park outing

Josie's first costume!

Josie's first walk/Jaimie's first walk and Josie's first stroll

I am going to do my best to continue blogging but I realize it's harder to do with one to zero free hands. I will have to take advantage of moments like this to blog about my sweet family.

See you soon.

xo,

The Young Family!

#pleasechildcomeout

It is August 7th and we are still not J Cubed, which makes my blog title a lie. There must be an evolutionary reason for Josie's delay. I suspect it's because labor is seriously unpleasant (must fact check) and so babies are late to replace feelings of labor fear with labor frustration, which is much easier to stomach, er...uterus. In any event, I HAVE HAD IT.

Waiting for Josie is like waiting for Santa AND a hurricane, at once. We are about to be bestowed with many gifts however we might lose a few backyard trees in the process. To occupy myself, I've taken up a little photo project on Instagram. It's called #pleasechildcomeout.

I got the idea one day as I was walking past our park - the one where Jonathan and I got married and actually had dinner in this past week. I've been play-threatening Josie with being sent directly to time out or being the first grounded newborn for being late so I decided I ought to change my approach and show her the world she's missing by staying nestled inside of me.

"Josie, this is a playground. Children love these things. If you come out, I will take you here. Doesn't it look FUN?!" #pleasechildcomeout

"Josie, this is meat. You haven't had any of this because your mom is a vegetarian but a lot of people like it. In fact, your father exists solely on it. Don't you want to try it?" #pleasechildcomeout

"Josie, this is ice cream. You've had tons of this but I bet it tastes better firsthand. Plus. maybe you want other flavors. There are so many of those." #pleasechildcomeout

"Josie, this is your dress. It's one of my very favorite things you own. You can wear it once you're born! You have quite the wardrobe already thanks to your adoring and generous fans with excellent taste." #pleasechildcomeout

"Josie, this is a pool. You don't even realize how lucky you are that you have access to one in this area, on the rooftop of your building, no less. You also have the most adorable bathing suit you can wear,  with a matching hat and sunnies. We will get you 100 pool toys if you WOULD JUST MEET US ALREADY." #pleasechildcomeout

"Josie, this is a summer-inspired mani pedi. Even though I was a total tomboy and hated makeup until I was 25, you might like it - for wearing or making art. In fact, your dad is an actor and has all kinds of makeup you can smear on the walls. That's right. I just gave you permission to do that. Doesn't life sound fun on the outside?" #pleasechildcomeout

"Josie, this is wine. A lot of these posts have been for you, but this one is for me. I have had zero glasses of wine, mugs of coffee, or diet cokes and THIS is how you repay me? Mommy deserves this. It's time." #pleasechildcomeout

"Josie, these are your books and some of your toys. You have so many wonderful adventures to experience,  but you'll never meet the hungry, hungry caterpillar or the red fish, blue fish if you stay inside. I will happily read you 12 bedtime stories each night and get you three glasses of water (when you're old enough) but only if you relocate." #pleasechildcomeout

"Josie, this is pizza. You cannot understand the wonder of this food secondhand. If you emerge for no other reason, this may be the best one." #pleasechildcomeout

"Josie, this is your dad. He has the biggest heart of anyone I know and cannot wait to meet you. He calls you JoJo and sings Michael Jackson songs to you often. Trust me, kid, you want to meet this guy." #pleasechildcomeout

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PS-Special shoutout to my good friend, Melissa Trujillo. I was reminded last week that this silly blog wouldn't exist without her suggestion way back when so mad props to you, darlin! This has been super fun for me and I'm so glad to have it. <3

With a Little Help from My Friends

There are more times than I'm willing to admit where I feel like I could be featured on the MTV show 16 & Pregnant. Most of my girlfriends who are mamas live several states away and I am the eldest child in my family (or Jonathan's) with child. Most of the time this leaves me feeling incredibly underprepared for what's to come in a few short days. I know babies need love and milk. And diapers. I know all about the diapers. It's just everything else that eludes me.

Enter Larissa and Charlotte. Capes not pictured.

Readers, if you are expecting and need a how-to-be-a-mama week-long tutorial coupled with house and baby accessory preparation AND pampering, these two are your girls. Seriously. They came to visit NYC on their big summer trip and generously spent the majority of the time making sure I could at least star on 26 & Pregnant.

Let's review what they did:

• Sent us out of the house to run errands for 4 hours and deeply cleaned the apartment from top to bottom. We returned and it was cleaner than when we first moved in.
• Sterilized all of Josie's bottles.
• Taught me how to use my breast pump.
• Taught me the difference between all of the swaddle options (baby straight jackets, if you're asking Jonathan) we have and then swaddled Puff.
• Gave me foot rubs, back rubs, and subway fanning sessions. I have ele-feet now and they need all the help they can get.
• Helped Jonathan build a closet organizer and place it.
• Cooked breakfast.
• Taught Jonathan to use salsa on his eggs.
• Gave us gift cards to our favorite neighborhood restaurants.
• Cleaned all of our new pots and pans (courtesy of Ma and Pa Krause) and helped package our old ones.
• Gave me much-needed love and support.

I can't begin to tell you how much their visit meant to us. It was a total game changer and I feel so blessed to have such amazing girlfriends. Love you girls so much!!!!!

The Three Squirrels Plus Two

For those of you who loved the squirrel story, there's been an update...

The Three Squirrels Plus Two

by Papa (Peter) Squirrel

Once upon a time there were three squirrels who lived in the forest. There was a momma squirrel, a papa squirrel, and a cute daughter squirrel named Jaimie. And they all lived together in a tree where they had lots of rooms. There was a family room, a kitchen room, an acorn storage room, a play room, a bedroom for momma and papa, a guest room and Jaimie’s own room.  Now, Jaimie had once lived in what was now the guest room, but she had moved into the bigger bedroom when her younger brother and sister, Phillip squirrel and Ashley squirrel, moved out to go to squirrel college.

One day, Jaimie squirrel was playing in the forest when she met a boy squirrel named Jonathan.  Jonathan was sad because he didn’t have a home of his own.  Jaimie squirrel liked Jonathan squirrel, so she offered to see if momma and papa squirrel would let him stay in their guest room.  “Why not,” said papa squirrel.  “I approve, on the condition that you call me at least once a week on the forest telephone.”  Jonathan squirrel promised to do it, but he rarely called papa squirrel, which made papa squirrel disappointed.

Jaimie squirrel and Jonathan squirrel loved playing together and all the other forest animals liked Jonathan.

One day, Jaimie squirrel came to momma squirrel and said, "We have to make a new room." "Why?" asked momma squirrel. "Because you are going to have a new granddaughter squirrel,” said Jaimie squirrel.  “Well, who is going to play with her, and teach her how to be a good little squirrel," momma squirrel asked.  “I will,” responded Jaimie squirrel, “and so will Jonathan squirrel.” 

So everybody helped build the new room, especially Jonathan squirrel, who spent a lot of time carving out a nice closet and shelves in the new bedroom.  And when the room was finished, Jaimie squirrel put some of her own toys in it to share with her new family, plus some new ones which she made.

One day Jaimie squirrel and Jonathan squirrel went to the forest hospital and brought back a new baby squirrel.  Jaimie squirrel put her in the squirrel crib which Jonathan squirrel had built, and they tucked the baby squirrel in for a nap.  Jaimie squirrel decided to name the new squirrel Josie squirrel.

Jaimie squirrel, with the help of Jonathan squirrel, took care of her daughter squirrel.  She sang to her and fed her.  Jaimie squirrel taught Josie squirrel how to make squirrel talk and about squirrel games such as "kick the acorn" and "hide and seek".  Jaimie squirrel told her daughter squirrel stories too.  When Josie squirrel got a little older, Jaimie squirrel showed her all the good places in the forest to hide and play, and where to find acorns and get good stuff to drink.  And Jaimie squirrel proudly introduced her daughter to all the other animals and birds in the forest.

Josie squirrel loved Jaimie squirrel, momma squirrel and papa squirrel; and she was ok with Jonathan squirrel. (Jaimie squirrel's note: Josie squirrel was actually over the moon about having Jonathan squirrel for a dad. She felt like the luckiest squirrel in the entire forest.) They played all the time in the forest, and the whole family lived together happily ever after.

Jonathan and Papa squirrel

Shaping Our Nest

I've said it before but raising a child in an urban space has its challenges. Josie's belongings have been distributed all over our one bedroom apartment in the most loving and organized tornado possible. In case you need context for the images below, you will notice my talented, Renaissance-man of a husband is the builder and I am the decorator. My childhood stuffed animal is our tester. I would also like the reader to note I spelled Renaissance correctly without Siri. That has to count for something.

I've learned many things in these past 8 months. Clarins Stretch Mark cream is essential. Maxi dresses are critical. Strappy sandals are the only thing these Flintstone feet can wear. And, the baby business is nuts.

I've been Inspector Gadget meets Carmen Sandiego, investigating every corner of this market (or as far as Google will take me). This piece below is a pack n' play/changing table/play pen/crib. It is intended to grow with the baby. It had better because this apartment sure isn't.

Will Josie flip over the wrong way during a diaper change? Let's see what happens to Puff.

He's a natural. So is Puff.

She'll make it! #parentsoftheyear

At our baby shower we asked for books instead of cards. If I learned one thing in my doctoral program, it's that brain development is aided by parents reading to infants, which increases the likelihood of early language development and ultimately literacy. I didn't need to spend six figures to learn that and now neither do you. Josie's little dendrites will be growing as she is fastened into a futuristic time traveling device that mimics her nine months of fetal development. Josie is basically a Jetson.

Behold: Josie's reading and spaceship swing corner.

As the lead designer of Josie's space, one should note the pattern of the object below matches the above pack n' play. Although these pieces will be in separate rooms*, the colors work with our decor and I like the symmetry.

*In Jersey City, people have a dedicated dining space which is distinct from the sleeping space, which is separate from the shower space, which is mind blowing to people who live in NYC. I think it's what inspired that Dixie Chicks song. They lived in Brooklyn and then moved to JC and freaked out.

Happy birthday, Alex! For your birthday, we got you a highchair to construct.

Finally, I present to you the last thing we've made recently, coupled with the VIP of my cravings and a decorative plant for good measure.

I don't know if you know much about babies/baby furniture, but this is neither.
It's evidence of MY nesting. I baked a cake. Rectangular flags are so 2014.

Happy 4th of July, dear readers. Fingers crossed this little angel graces us with her presence this month! If she doesn't, she's getting evicted.

Showered with Blessings and Laughter

They've outdone themselves again. Since January, there have been many Jaimie life events and poor Ashley and Alyssa have been planning celebrations around virtually all of them. Let's review:

• Jaimie and Jonathan move in together
• Jaimie and Jonathan announce their pregnancy
• Jaimie and Jonathan announce their baby's gender
• Jaimie has her 35th birthday
• Jaimie and Jonathan get engaged
• Jaimie and Jonathan get married
• Jaimie and Jonathan have a baby shower

While they both rock their day jobs, I highly recommend hiring these two for all of your celebration needs. The wedding will get a separate post when our pics are returned to us so I'll write about our shower in the meantime. Special shoutout to my mom who also helped with the shower, pictured with Alyssa's sweet mom (on the right) and our gorgeous cousin Gloria whose water comes directly from the fountain of youth. Guess her age! I'll give you a hint: there's a 5 in the tens place. Wow.

Okay, back to this shower business. It was amazing and everything I wanted. I loved seeing our friends and family there. The decorations were adorable. The food was delicious. I've consumed 11 leftover cupcakes. And the presents...oh my goodness. Josie/we are SPOILED. And blessed with the most generous and thoughtful loved ones. That little lady is set for life, or until she is 3. It pays to have an educator for a mom. Check out Josie's new library and matching stuffed animal collection + my dad's head:

This personalized basket contains all of my favorite books growing up and some new ones!

Speaking of gifts, Jonathan's gift commentary was icing on the cupcake. We were opening gifts together and he was being ridiculous as usual. I started making him guess functions of the gifts and share his thoughts with the audience. I couldn't stop laughing.

Unicorn blanket and toy: "Is this a blanket or a puppet?"

Swaddling blankets: "These must be baby straight jackets."

Boppy: "Well, this is a baby beanbag for her baby dorm room.
She needs a matching baby lava lamp and
a baby Jim Belushi poster that says 'Preschool'...
Josie! Is that a baby bong? No m'am!"

Life is going to be grand with this man. And my fam. I'm one lucky lady and so is Josie.

Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn

This is almost a sequel to the entry below but instead takes place in Fort Meyers, FL.

It’s been a truly horrendous winter. I can never acclimate to the bitter cold and it was exacerbated this year by having to dress my bump, which appeared quite eagerly in month two. Spring was more of a winter hangover, so tights were essential.  Panty hose, I have some news for you: there’s no controlling this top. She does what she wants, when she wants. Summer clothes are much easier for growing bellies and I now reside, quite happily, in a rainbow of maxi dresses. And by rainbow, I mean black. C’mon, I still live in New York-ish. See the below post.

But now we’re in sunny Florida, the land of D- hair. On it’s best day, my hair is a generous B+. My sister wakes up with A+ hair, forget when she attempts to style it. We used to joke that she’s the pretty one and I’m the smart one but she was just admitted to Columbia University so there’s that. Now I’m the pregnant one.

Still, I’m happy to trade my frizzy, limp locks for temperatures above 60 and miles of beaches. Jonathan and I took the first of two babymoons to stay on the grounds of the most glorious beach and golf club. There are spas, tennis courts, boats, pools, men in Hawaiian shirts offering poolside bar service, a Super Target within a mile… Life is good.

Super Target not pictured 

We decided to work out one morning before hitting our favorite infinity pool (see above). Working out these days for me is a bit funny. I’m definitely the girl at the gym people use as motivation. Never mind that I look incredibly ridiculous in my maternity workout attire and even my bump is protesting this decision. I can feel the self-lashing internal monologues as they spy me huffing on the elliptical...

Me huffing. PS-these shorts don't even fit anymore,.

“What is wrong with you, you lazy ass? If she can do this, I am turning up my resistance 5 levels and staying on this bike/treadmill/other torture device for 30 more minutes.” Still, I feel a little proud of myself that I can do light cardio for 30 minutes and lift my green weights for 5.

This day I was caught off-guard in the midst of my post-workout praise session (which consists of me patting myself on the back and reminding myself muscle memory will take me back to my old wardrobe post-baby if I keep this up) when a man in his late sixties approached me.

Jaimie, you are doing such a great jo…

Guy: How far along are you?

Me: Seven months.

Guy: It’s a boy, right?

Me: Um, no. She’s a she.

Guy: Wow, really? I was checking you out as you walked past me and it seems like you are carrying in your hips. You are very hippy. I didn’t know you before but your body is consistent with the signs of a boy.

Me: That’s odd. I’m typically told by complete strangers that I’m all belly, indicating a female.

Guy: Well, I could be wrong. My wife carried… (Jaimie tunes out man)

Dude. DUDE. Allow me to list the crimes you committed in order.

Number one: don’t tell a pregnant woman she is anything but perfect and a hero.

Number two: don’t “check out” someone and then admit you checked them out…to their face.

Number three: I am seven months pregnant and in a gym. I could be one million other places, including the ice cream shop, the bakery, Willy Wonka’s house… All I should hear from you is silence. At the most I will accept an affirming smile.

Gross. Two more months. Still.